Tag Archives: Tips

Some Thoughts on Relating Well With Others

Hello people!
Happy New Month wishes to you all. I hope your week has been splendid?

I was recently going through my stuff, when I stumbled upon something I had read several months back. Then I thought you guys deserve to know about it. These are key things we should bear in mind while we mingle.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to share with others:
1. Understand/identify your personal desires.
Self knowledge is essential if you hope to relate well to others. You have to know what you want so you know what you’re communicating (and expecting) from others. “Personal desires” applies to both the broad sweeping areas of your life, as well the smaller, more focused areas of your life. Here are some questions that might help you identify your desires:

General: What do I want most out of life?
Specific: How do I expect to be treated when I get home from school?

One way to get to this is to ask: “What offends me?”

2. Examine/evaluate your personal desires.
Here is the NECESSARY next step: is what you want something good, wise, pleasing to God…or is it selfish, wrong, potentially sinful? How do your desires/expectation stand-up to God’s standard? Are your desires in accordance with biblical teaching? Godly wisdom? Are your desires consistent with one another, or are some mutually exclusive?
One way to get to this is to ask: “Should this bother me?”

3. Make as many of the needed changes as possible.
This is where sanctification (growing closer to God and becoming more like Jesus) enters into the picture. God loves us for how we are, but he still wants to correct our errors . . . our selfish desires.
One way to get to this is to ask: “Am I willing to change in this area?”

4. Understand/identify the other person’s desires.
This requires careful observation, a great imagination, and a pure heart. Diligence in relationships considers the other person’s perspective. Ask personal questions, listen to the answers
One way to get to this is to ask:  “What do they want? What offends them?”

5. Respect the other person’s desires.
Respecting another’s wishes can be done actively or passively, both are important. Active living says, how can I meet the other’s needs? Passive living says, how can I keep from offending them?
One way to get to this is to commit to serving others like Christ.

6. Examine/evaluate your decisions, actions, thoughts, words, etc.
Refuse to live life on autopilot, consider DEEPLY the outcome of your actions.
One way to get to this is to ask:  “Have I offended the other person? What should I have done differently? What am I learning from this?”

7. Communicate your personal desires
When appropriate, let others know what you want. Appropriate can be defined with lots of different variables…

If you continually talk about your needs…..you’re obnoxious.
If your needs are ungodly…..keep them to yourself, and work on becoming more like Christ.
If you talk about your needs without respecting others…..people will avoid you.
If you communicate your needs without examining them…..you’ll send mixed messages.
If your need is obvious, and you continually remind others…..that’s lame.
If you NEVER communicate your needs…..you’ll remain distant from others.
One way to get to this is to say:  “This is how I feel. . .; This bothers me . . .”

8. Examine/evaluate the other person’s desires.
As you test your desires, test the desires of others too. God often teaches us through other people. And considering their wants can lead you to greater depths of wisdom. The horrible thing about this step (and the next one), is that typically we tend to over inflate the importance of judging others. IT’S SO MUCH EASIER to judge. But there is a gift to be sifted from the murky mud of judgment: more often than not, when you see something you “don’t like” in others, you probably have that same trait in your own life. Here is the jewel: now you have a new avenue for growth!
One way to get to this is to say: “Should they be offended by xyz? Maybe I do the same thing…”

9. Instruct/correct with gentleness…..when the time is right.
Christians are supposed to impact one another. Our community should be powerful enough to create life change. A good time for “confronting” others would take pages to fully describe, but here is a principle: Don’t waste your words, say something only if it has a chance of accomplishing something good.
One way to get to this is to say: “This is an unfair expectation. . .”

10. Forgive and Repent often.
People aren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. You will hurt and be hurt. The only once of hope in the hurt/be hurt cycle is to forgive others, and ask for their forgiveness. This doesn’t really belong on this list, since it is titled, “Some Thoughts On Relating To Others,” because this isn’t just a nice idea, it’s a biblical mandate for all believers.
One way to get to this is to say: “I will not hold a grudge….I am sorry.”

I hope that these tips are useful in strengthening your relations with others. What other tips can you suggest? Please comment below.

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Lessons from Abigail’s Union

Bennard and Abigail Ugbeikwu

Bennard and Abigail Ugbeikwu

One major contributor to this blog, former Miss Abigail Nwachukwu, changed her family name over the weekend.

Yes, Abigail got married!!!

Now, I’m not here to share details of the apparently successful event, which happened on the 13th of December, 2014 (yesterday). No. But there is something I can’t hide from you: its lessons.

You can add these to the already heavy store of information, on how to make it (marriage) work, that you’ve gotten. Here they come. . .

Pathetically, there are more people who know this point than there are who use it. They pray over almost everything in their lives. Food. Water. Exams. Admissions. Jobs. Promotions. Contracts. Even matches of their favourite teams and characters in a movie . But when it comes to settling down, they put on their Mr ‘Fix it’ hats. Truth is that very few young fellows ever pray concerning their unknown spouse and the marriage.

I remember a night we had with Abby. She told us how young she was when she started praying for her husband. She very well had not met him before this time. Two things I noticed, or learnt, from her explaination about the decision to involve God was really worth knowing, or learning:

  • Telling God means you wait for His time!
  • You must trust Him enough to show up with your answers on time. You must also understand that “on time” in His eyes means “perfect” for you, and makes it very different from “on time” in your own eyes (Ps. 90:4; 2 Peter 3:8).

  • Telling God means you do it His way!
  • The ways of God are very different from the ways of men. You must seek to please God when searching for a life partner. Most ladies have lost their worth, sleeping around just to hook up with someone that will take them down the aisle. Note this: your marriage is in trouble if you enter his bed before entering his home. Every step along the way should be taken in God. And if God makes the choices, then dating ain’t an option. Because God is NEVER confused! He doesn’t test something to know it. If He says it, you can count on it.

    Yes. Wait on Him. Get prepared. Work on yourself. Marriage will come, so, pursue your dreams while waiting.

    Abby was a writer and blogger before she got married. She was already hosting forums for singles here and there before she walked to the altar with Ben. Her ‘work’ had already gained online presence before she wedded. Read what she thinks about pursuing a dream, maybe you’ll understand me better.

    Don’t you think now will be a good time to further your education, break some bad habits and make new good ones, pursue purpose…instead of lusting after different boys/girls all in the name of looking for love?

    So sorry to say this truth: this is mostly ‘girls problem’. They are so obsessed about having great wedding ceremonies that they forget about having great marriages! They go about shopping for this and that, spending money (which, apparently, they didn’t join to make) extravangantly.

    Abby’s traditional marriage ceremony happened! Her white wedding ceremony was a reality. It didn’t have to be a luxury. The smiles on her face, the joy in her husband’s heart and the care demonstrated by well-wishers, were all present…regardless of the fact that President Barack Obama didn’t show up! Neither of both marriage events were held in Dubai, or aboard an aircraft. Yet, they attracted true well-wishers indeed.

    I personally noticed her calm in all of this.

    No struggle to choke her husband to death over an Italian wedding dress. No hummer limousine ride to the venue. And I’m sure that this wonderful day in her life will not be on Linda Ikeji’s Blog. But it is in our hearts, and registered in heaven.

    These are the little but long lasting lessons I gained from Abby’s union. I pray that God favours her marriage and blesses them both.

    Stay up!
    …and HAPPY SUNDAY!!!

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