Really, what are they to you? The ones you call your friends. What do you give into that relationship? What is your quota?
Friendship is love. It is understanding. It is concern. It is sacrifice. No relationship thrives outside sacrifice.
Here’s my question:
“What is the lamb?”
What are we supposed to sacrifice? Sometimes people go the extra mile just to keep a relationship. Sometimes, they do this for the possibility of an “us” in the equation of their lives. But are they on track? Do they do the right thing?
I’m NOT saying sacrifice is wrong. Am saying THEY SHOULD NOT SACRIFICE WRONGLY!!! Now, get me here. I am of the opinion that true friendship seeks long-term benefits, but for both parties.
You go to your friend with a dress you bought minutes ago. You ask them how you look in it. They give you a grin, smile and say, “That’s the best dress with the best fitting on the best person that I’ve seen today”. You happily thank them. And then, immediately you retreat to your dressing room, you literally receive a ‘mind-reading’ or ‘mind-listening’ spiritual gift. You begin to hear the thoughts of your friend very audibly in your head: “I wish I could tell her exactly how she looked in that dress”, “Ah! She’d rather look ‘most beautiful’ in that dress than look angry at me”. Tell me, would you think of them as a true friend?
But is it their fault? What would happen if they told you the truth? Won’t they lose you? Are they even allowed to tell you the truth? What are the terms of their relationship with you?
A lot of fake friendships exist in the world. You may see the longevity, the intimacy, but what you don’t see- and most often, won’t see- is the hypocrisy? They sit on it. They smile. But behind that smile resides one or more of these feelings: fear, regrets, remorse, ‘loving’ anger, sadness, doubt.
What if your friend decides to be 100% honest with you? I thought you have it on your facebook profile that you detest liars? What if they corrected you again? Wouldn’t they be risking the relationship? What about the last time they sincerely told you what they feel? Didn’t you take it personal? Now they are afraid and hidden in their shells…never to correct their best friend again; never to say ‘no’ to you again (even if it would affect them personally); never to be themselves again! They have sacrificed their values for that friendship, deciding to turn their back on their conscience rather than on you.
And so, now, a completely honest man has got to endure an environment of lies, because his friend would rather not be a friend than be honest! A lady who graciously corrects in love must now live with guilt. The guilt of going against her principles, her values.
Ah! The things we do to keep a relationship! Selling out our values… Denouncing who we are… Coping with the substandard… Fiercely attacking and bruising our own consciences…
I don’t know about you all, but I just made my choice:
* I will only attract and keep what I already am!
Yes, I will not sacrifice my conscience on the altar of friendship. Better to have a lonely walk to heaven than receive a standing ovation in hell! I will keep developing me. And hopefully- truthfully too- I will find someone ‘like’ me with whom to make this journey of life…because, indeed, LIKES ATTRACT!!!
Blogger’s note: The above was copied from one of my notes on facebook. It is posted here with little additions.
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